One Sunday morning, at the breakfast table, my little daughter asked me, “Dad, are you looking at that black box again?” That’s when I started rethinking the boundaries between myself and technology. In my twenty years of experience in system architecture and software operations, this “black box” has been both my livelihood and my passion. But it was at that moment I realized how this passion had taken over me and how difficult it was to find the answer to the question, “How did I learn to set boundaries with technology?”
This post recounts my personal journey through this process, the challenges I faced, and how I ultimately found a healthier balance for myself. This is the story of transitioning from constant connectivity to a more conscious and limited use of technology.
When Did I Realize?
This sudden realization was actually the result of a long process. Especially during the go-live of a large production ERP system, I found myself living with the paranoia of “something could happen at any moment.” Staying awake late at night, waiting for a ‘WAL rotation’ alarm to drop, checking if ‘PostgreSQL index re-creation’ scripts had completed over the weekends became a normal routine for me. After deploying a small bug fix for my side product’s Android app, I would track user comments second by second, as if the world was about to end.
This constant state of alert began to deeply affect not only my work performance but also my personal quality of life. A chronic tension, mental fatigue, and the feeling of not being able to spend enough quality time with my family were gnawing at me from within. One day, while chatting with my wife, hearing her complain about this issue was one of the last straws, I’d say.
Why Was Setting Boundaries So Difficult?
Being so intertwined with technology was not just a profession for me, but also a source of identity and passion. For twenty years, I’ve gained deep knowledge in many areas, from local network architecture to firewall policies, Linux services to PostgreSQL settings, AI-driven production planning to operator screens. During this process, I solved countless problems, designed architectures, and kept systems running.
This knowledge and experience naturally created a sense of “responsibility” in me. When a problem arose, I acted on the impulse of “I must fix it, I know how.” Especially with my own side products, this impulse was much stronger because everything was under my control, and the responsibility for every error was directly mine. However, this sense of responsibility gradually turned into burnout. The expectation of constant availability – both from myself and sometimes inherent in the nature of projects – kept me constantly on alert. Once, when I accidentally put sleep 360 into the background on a VPS and realized the system was OOM-killed, my first thought was “how can I intervene immediately,” not “why did I make such a basic mistake.” This showed that the problem wasn’t a lack of technical knowledge, but a lack of mental boundaries.
What Steps Did I Take?
I realized I needed to take concrete steps to break this cycle and find a healthier balance. First, I took control of notifications. I turned off all unnecessary email and instant messaging notifications, leaving only a special channel for critical system alarms and emergencies. This eliminated unnecessary distractions.
The second step was time management. Outside of specific work-related hours, I consciously started putting my phone and computer aside. After 7 PM and on weekends, unless it was a truly urgent situation, I didn’t check work emails or go on platforms like Slack. This gave my mind a real chance to rest.
Third, I focused more on delegation and automation. I made processes that constantly required manual checks in a production ERP more autonomous by using event-sourcing and transaction outbox patterns. In my own systems, I made systemd timers and monitoring tools more reliable, reducing my need for manual intervention.
Fourth, I tried to engage in physical activity and hobbies. Taking walks a few times a week, cycling with my family, reading books, and even listening to podcasts on non-technical topics became important tools for disconnecting my mind from technology. These activities offered my brain a real “reset” and allowed me to gain new perspectives.
What Were the Results and What Did I Learn?
These steps, though challenging at first, gradually created significant changes in my life. I started feeling more mentally refreshed. My ability to focus increased, and I became much more productive in my work because I could concentrate on a single topic without distraction. Most importantly, my relationships with my family and myself improved.
After my little daughter’s question, I no longer look at my phone at the breakfast table. I learned to live those moments more consciously and to fully focus on my loved ones. My passion for technology still continues; thinking about new architectures, AI agent patterns, or network security excites me. But now, this passion has transformed into a source of energy that nourishes me rather than consuming me. Boundaries, in fact, allowed me to be more free and productive.
At this point in my career, one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is to understand that technology is our tool, and we shouldn’t let it control us. Finding this balance is a personal journey and requires continuous effort.
So, what are your boundaries with technology? What has been the most challenging aspect for you? Would you share your experiences and thoughts on this topic in the comments?